Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
