Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Someone came in the potted fern
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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