You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
