roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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