He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
