I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
handjob tips. give me some.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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