doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
