Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
