You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
