Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize