I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
