just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
