Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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