i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
