And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
