I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
