Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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