If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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