some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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