You just made me feel so damn special
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
