My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
