He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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