Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
