god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
