how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
4 words: hood of his car
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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