I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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