She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize