If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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