She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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