....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
