The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
