I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
