During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
