my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
