Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Im part way to drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
