wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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