just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
