She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
