McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
