i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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