My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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