Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
