She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
