i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize