Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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