I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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