I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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