I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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