I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
