Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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