please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
