i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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