I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
