Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have aggressive nipples.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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