forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
