sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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