She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
