I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Even the bartender felt bad for me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
