We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
