you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
