I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's never too late to be topless.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
