If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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