dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
