Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
