why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
