would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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