i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
