I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
