I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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