You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
