It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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