Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
