I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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