I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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