I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
