when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
