Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
