We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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