There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
