you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
