Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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