i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
