My room smells like vodka and shame
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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