remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
be right there i have to get my cape
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize