There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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