Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize