Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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