eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
try to milk me bitch
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