weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Vodka?
Forever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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