the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
