I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
