Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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