In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
