Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
