He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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