Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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