I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
