these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
