Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
