A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
