On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
