Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
