It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
