she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I cut my penus on the lid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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