I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
