I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
