We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
