I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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