9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
